"you’re just going to have to force yourself to get a job"
That’s what they tell me. You think if I had the mental capacity and ability to get a job, that I wouldn’t?
Of course I would love to be able to get a real job and not feel completely pathetic that I can’t even support my own family, to be able to stop moving my girlfriend and kids around between family member’s houses until they get sick of us.
Clinical depression, social anxiety, generalized anxiety, borderline personality disorder and who knows what else is fucking me up… I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m on so many medications(only 8 now; recently removed one), I’m always getting my medications changed and nothing seems to be helping.
Sorry for this long post, but I’m venting a little. I’m losing control of what I believe is right and wrong… Every night, the blade caresses the skin above the artery in my wrist. It calms me Down a little, but it also tempts me. “it would just be so easy”, the bad thoughts say to me. I know I can never do it, and that I’m stuck here on this little marble in the vastness of what is the universe. Insignificant.
My kids and Sky are so important to me, it’s the only thing that gets me up in the morning and that can keep me from doing bad things and making it to the bed at night with no new bandages.
The only thing left I have to say is this :
I need HELP.